You’re Not in the Way

Many times, the hardest part of working out happens before you even leave the house.

Say you decided you’re finally going to the gym. You set an alarm, pick out your clothes, and maybe even get someone to go with you. Morning comes, you’re almost ready, and then your mind starts running its mouth:

People are going to look at me.

I don’t know what I’m doing. My movements are gonna look awkward.

What if someone wants the machine I’m using? They probably have to get to work.

They know how to use it, and I’m just wasting everyone’s time.

And there it is. Your thoughts weigh you down before you even touch a weight.

The problem isn’t that you don’t know exercise is good for you; you already know that. The problem is that your mind built an entire story about what might happen, assigned everyone else a greater right to be there, and then convinced you to stay home.

So what the hell do you do about that?

First, Stop Treating Predictions Like Facts

You see someone looking in your direction and immediately assume they want your machine.

Okay. Maybe they do. So?

But isn’t it possible they’re just looking at the clock behind you? They may even be planning their next exercise. Maybe they’re spacing out. Maybe you’re a treat to the eyes. Who knows?

The only fact is that someone merely looked in your direction. Everything after that came from you. Your mind took a two-second glance and turned it into a whole-ass story:

Oh my… They’re in a hurry. I’m slowing them down. They know what they’re doing. I don’t belong here. They deserve this more than I do.

See what happened? You imagined someone else’s thoughts, treated them as truth, and then punished yourself for them. Now I’m going to say a few things that might hurt some of you—truth usually does—but it’s because I love you, my brothers and sisters, and because you need to face very unsettling truths about yourselves in order to grow.

You may be thinking, “I’m just being considerate,” but your approach is no longer a healthy form of which. Being considerate of others means being thoughtful of others’ rights and feelings, caring about how your actions affect them, and showing kindness, respect, and good manners. “Well, isn’t that what I’m doing?” No. You volunteered to disappear because you not only imagined what someone may have thought or felt, but then you also decided to give it significantly greater value than yourself—to the point where you give up what everyone knows is a communally shared public space/apparatus for paying members like yourself, which is used to improve your well-being. May as well not drive a car anywhere—there are better drivers out there trying to get to work, and there you are taking up space on the road in a car that probably deserves to be driven by a more experienced driver who can’t afford one, the poor bastard. That’s suicidal empathy, and it’s a dangerous condition.

You can think you’re being virtuous as much as you like, but you’d be lying to yourself and others—and you know it. You try hiding behind that façade so as not to face your lack of self-worth, your weakness, and wretchedness head-on. It’s an avoidance of conflict with yourself and with others. However, this does not make you less worthy, less valuable, or less deserving; if you know you should be exercising, it means you have a will to improve, you’re headed in the right direction (at least in this regard), and you deserve the use of that space and its apparatuses at least as much as everyone else. Plus, how do you know the individual you assume wants your machine isn’t a total prick? What if they don’t deserve it? What if they’re an angel? You’ll never know, so stop Ass-uming. Remember: When you assume, you make an ass- out of -u- and -me.

“But I can’t help thinking that way. That’s just who I am.”

Who you are can change for the better—that’s called self-development. A criminal can say the same thing… Does that mean they need to stay that way? But fine. Maybe that is what your mind currently does. That doesn’t mean you have to obey it.

Your mind produces all kinds of bullshit. Mine certainly does. A thought entering your head doesn’t make it true, and it sure as hell doesn’t make it a command. If that were the case, there wouldn’t be any social order—just pure violence and chaos.

You don’t need to stop the thought from appearing before you go to the gym. You need to practice going while the thought is still running its mouth. Personify it as an annoying little gremlin whose job it is to manipulate you.

You Have Just as Much Right to Be There

Let’s say someone really does want the machine.

So what? Don’t just jump off and flee the scene.

If you’re actually using it—not sitting there watching highlights from Peppa Pig for twenty minutes—you have every right to finish your set. Look around. See whether they actually say anything. Most of the time, nothing will happen. And if someone does ask how many sets you have left, congratulations—you have encountered a completely normal gym interaction. Tell them. They’ll either wait or ask to work in with you.

You can simply say:

“I have two sets left, but you’re welcome to work in with me.”

Two adults sharing. Aww. And that’s a win-win, because you both have to rest between sets anyway. If you’re willing to wait for someone to finish, then there are those who are willing to wait until you finish. If someone is rude or impatient, then they definitely don’t deserve your consideration. It won’t kill you, I promise.

“But they know what they’re doing, and I don’t.”

Well then, watch and learn ☺ How the hell do you think they learned?

Nobody spawned inside the gym knowing how to adjust every machine and perform every movement. Every experienced person was once the awkward beginner trying to figure out which lever moves the seat. I used to ask others and observe their movements, watch videos, try things, mess up, and then try again until I got a feel for it all. Most people at the gym want to help and encourage others, and they frown upon those who sneer and judge.

The gym is not reserved for people who are already fit any more than a classroom is reserved for people who already know the subject. The whole point is to go there and improve.

Being new does not make your time less valuable; it does not make your health less important; and it definitely does not mean an experienced person deserves the equipment more than you do.

You are not stealing their opportunity. You are giving yourself one.

Make the First Visit Easy to Win

Now, I’m not asking you to walk into the busiest gym at peak hours, grab the most complicated machine, and suddenly stop caring what everyone thinks.

What’s a smaller step you can take?

Go with someone you trust—preferably someone experienced. Pick a quieter time. Tour the gym and leave. Or, if you’re comfortable enough, choose just one or two simple exercises beforehand—if you don’t want to be wandering around wondering what the hell to do. Try it out for about 10-15 minutes and leave.

That first visit does not need to be an amazing workout. The victory is getting through the door and remaining there after your thoughts tell you to leave. On your next visit, repeat the same exercises and become more familiar with it all. By doing so, you’ll teach your mind that this place is not the firing squad it imagined.

Over time, add another exercise, stay a little longer, and let your buddy help a little less.

You won’t become fearless overnight. You will, however, get through enough real experiences to where your mind will eventually have less room to make shit up.

Consider Yourself Too

There is nothing wrong with caring about other people’s time, comfort, or needs. We need more considerate people, not fewer.

But if your empathy always removes you from the equation, you begin treating everyone else like a full human being whose goals matter while treating yourself like an obstruction. Why?

Why is their morning more important than yours?

Why does their workout matter more than your health?

Why are they allowed to occupy space while you have to apologize for it?

You don’t need to become selfish, but you do need to include yourself among the people worth considering.

So when the thoughts start again—

Then get yourself through that door.

You can’t really overcome this by arguing with yourself inside your head—your mind is incredibly good at resisting, defending itself, and conserving energy. The best way to overcome it is by acting on the things you feel you need to (despite the gremlin’s voices), discovering that the catastrophe you imagined did not occur, and then doing it again.

The experienced people around you didn’t begin by already knowing what to do. They know what to do because, at some point, they allowed and pushed themselves to begin.